Guitars, Paramedics, Linux, and Me

April 8, 2013

Scott’s Ultimate Guitar Buyer’s Guide

Filed under: Guitars,Pathetic Ramblings — S. Kindley @ 3:32 pm
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Scott’s Ultimate Guitar Buyer’s Guide

I’ve read a ton of “guides” and they all seemed to be extremely complicated or elaborate. My Ultimate Buyer’s Guide is designed for simplicity based on a five step algorithm with an additional set of questions to predict the next logical decision. It doesn’t matter if you are looking to buy your first guitar or your 50th the process is the same and should be as easy as asking yourself a few simple questions. I’ll outline those questions in a step by step format with a simple formula that indicates whether you should buy the guitar you are evaluating or not. I’ll even modify the steps based on economic factors for those with/without cost concerns and relationship status.

My formula for decisions regarding a guitar purchase can apply to any instrument (and probably anything else one might consider). I’ll leave that for you to decide.

Be advised that there are always extenuating circumstances and conditions which can not be accounted for in any guide. I would be happy to assist you in your decision making process should you encounter difficulty. Just leave a comment and I’ll respond with my advice.

Unmarried/Unattached:

For the cost conscious guitar players ask yourself these questions:

  1. Does the guitar look the way I want it to look?
  2. Does the guitar feel the way I want it to feel?
  3. Does the guitar sound the way I want it to sound?
  4. Can I afford this guitar?

An answer of ‘NO’ to any of those questions means you should look for a different guitar. If the answer is ‘YES’ to every question … BUY THE DAMN THING ALREADY!

For guitar players who are still concerned about cost but money isn’t a primary factor:

  1. Does the guitar look the way I want it to look?
  2. Does the guitar feel the way I want it to feel?
  3. Does the guitar sound the way I want it to sound?
  4. Can I afford this guitar?

An answer of ‘NO’ to any of those questions means you should look for a different guitar. If the answer is ‘YES’ to every question … BUY THE DAMN THING ALREADY!

For guitar players with absolutely no concern about cost:

  1. Does the guitar look the way I want it to look?
  2. Does the guitar feel the way I want it to feel?
  3. Does the guitar sound the way I want it to sound?
  4. Do I have space at home for the guitar?

An answer of ‘NO’ to any of the first three questions means you should look for a different guitar. If the answer is ‘NO’ to number four then either:

  • Make room for it buy getting rid of something else. Perhaps the couch.
  • Move to a place with more space.

If the answer is ‘YES’ to every question … BUY THE DAMN THING ALREADY!

For guitar collectors with concerns about money:

  1. Do I have one of these already?
  2. Is this guitar common or lack some kind of significance?
  3. Can I afford this guitar?
  4. Do I have space for this guitar?

An answer of ‘YES’ to the first two questions means you should look for a different guitar. An answer of ‘YES’ to the last two questions means … BUY THE DAMN THING ALREADY!

For guitar collectors with absolutely no concerns about money:

  1. To whom do I make the check out?

Married/Attached

For the cost conscious guitar player ask yourself these questions:

  1. Does the guitar look the way I want it to look?
  2. Does the guitar feel the way I want it to feel?
  3. Does the guitar sound the way I want it to sound?
  4. Can I afford this guitar?
  5. Will my spouse approve?

An answer of ‘NO’ to any of those questions means you should stop looking for guitars. If the answer is ‘YES’ to every question … BUY THE DAMN THING ALREADY!

For guitar players who are concerned about cost but money isn’t a primary factor:

  1. Does the guitar look the way I want it to look?
  2. Does the guitar feel the way I want it to feel?
  3. Does the guitar sound the way I want it to sound?
  4. Can I afford this guitar?
  5. Will my spouse approve?

An answer of ‘NO’ to any of those questions means you should stop looking for guitars. If the answer is ‘YES’ to every question … BUY THE DAMN THING ALREADY!

For guitar players with absolutely no concern about cost:

  1. Does the guitar look the way I want it to look?
  2. Does the guitar feel the way I want it to feel?
  3. Does the guitar sound the way I want it to sound?
  4. Do I have space at home for the guitar?
  5. Will my spouse approve?

An answer of ‘NO’ to any of the first three questions means you should look for a different guitar. If the answer is ‘NO’ to number four then either:

  • Make room for it by getting rid of something else.
  • Buy a bigger house that your spouse wants and will allow you extra space.
  • Give up.

If the answer is ‘NO’ to number five you have a few options:

  • Bribe the spouse with diamonds or expensive gifts he/she values.
  • Get a divorce.
  • Beg, plead, and appear as genuinely pathetic as one can in order to garner sympathetic approval.
  • Accept it and stop looking for guitars.

If the answer is ‘YES’ to every question … BUY THE DAMN THING ALREADY!

For guitar collectors with concerns about money:

  1. Do I have one of these already?
  2. Is this guitar common or lack some kind of significance?
  3. Can I afford this guitar?
  4. Do I have space for this guitar?
  5. Will my spouse approve?

An answer of ‘YES’ to the first two questions means you should look for a different guitar. Any ‘NO’ response to numbers 3, 4, or 5 means you should give up. An answer of ‘NO’ to the first two questions along with an answer of ‘YES’ to the last three questions means … BUY THE DAMN THING ALREADY!

For guitar collectors with absolutely no concerns about money:

  1. Will my spouse approve?

If a prenuptial agreement is in effect … BUY THE DAMN THING ALREADY. If not … BUY THE DAMN THING AND DON’T TELL HER ABOUT IT.

She probably won’t care anyway … she’s rich too.

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